Parental inattention

It's almost summer vacation.... that means there will be kids here all day long. I just spent a week with them on vacation and let me tell you, it was not the blissful, relaxing, harmonious fun-filled time I was imagining it would be. My kids will fight over literally anything. They will fight over who is doing something annoying, has something they want, might get something they won't get, and any number of other real or imaginary crimes. I don't want to complain about my children; of course I love them very much and there were moments of peace and greatness, but I was angry at them for most of the vacation. Is this normal? Are other people not yelling at their kids to get along, stop whining, and quit asking for things? Our typical day was spent negotiating with them about where we would swim (pool/beach- which pool, where on the beach), where we would eat, and what else we would do. And no one wanted to do the same thing. EVER. The kid who didn't get their way would whine. I would yell about the whining. ARGH.


You all know my addiction to crappy tv, so you won't be surprised to know that Supernanny is among the shows that I watch. So I checked out the website for the show, to see what my friend Jo would do with fighting sisters. Here's what I have decided a possible (probable) issue is: me. Dammit Supernanny. She says that kids fight because of reasons like boredom, accumulated resentments, issues (feelings of frustration/injustice), and parental inattention. I am pretty sure this is what is going on at my house. The girls are constantly trying to talk over each other or get my attention and then fighting about who is talking more, etc. See- my fault. Supernanny also says that trying to stop the fighting by punishing the kids is the wrong way to resolve the issue. So yelling and taking stuff away doesn't work. The thing to do would be to give the girls each some one on one attention. I am usually so irritated that I just want to get away from the fighting. I must come up with a plan. I will let you know...

As far as the resentments that they have for each other and the issues that they fight over, I don't think that I caused them, but I haven't helped them resolve them very well. I either punish them or take someone's side. I know this is wrong, but I also know who the offender usually is so yes, I sometimes believe one child over another. Their fighting drains me, and I just want it to end quickly. Somewhere Supernanny is shaking her head. If only for my own sanity, I will try to employ better conflict resolution strategies. Here is the link to the Supernanny article http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Family-Matters/-/Relationships/Sibling-rivalry-remedies.aspx

We did have fun. The girls swam almost every second of every day. I read a whole book. Todd got to go to the casino. Now we have to survive summer vacation.

Punta Cana 2013- no one fighting in this one

Obedience

I have been a little busy. You know, with the ridiculous school assignments. But I am getting used to it and am resigned to spending all of at least 2-3 days a week reading/writing/thinking. I would tell you about what I have been studying, but I'm bored just thinking about it and I don't want you to fall asleep at your computer.

We have almost survived the swim team season! There is one meet left- the Regional meet in Minneapolis. I only want to go because we might get to stop at Ikea. Alyssa is the only one of the girls swimming and she is dreading it. There has been so much whining and complaining about swimming lately, I have resorted to major bribes and pleading and occasional empty threats. Questionable parenting? Yep.

Alyssa and Todd at the state meet in Ft. Dodge

I read an article in our school newsletter recently about obedience- how kids should just obey without complaining, arguing, asking questions, etc. My kids are not obedient. I ask them to do something and even if they don't complain (which they usually do), they at least sigh or act annoyed that they have to do whatever it is. And they do this with other adults too- not as much- but I have seen it happen. Now that I notice it, it is really irritating me. I have seen them complain to their swim coaches, talk back to teachers, and whine at grandparents. Grrr. What am I doing wrong? I think I must not be mean enough.

So, after an internet search for "how to have obedient children" I learned 2 things.

1. There is an argument out there that obedient children= having your children taken advantage of by pedophiles, drug dealers, and generally horrible people and it is best to let your kids feel like they are the center of the universe and make all their own decisions, yet somehow remain "cooperative"
See this website http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/Do_You_Want_to_Raise_an_Obedient_Child/

2. John Rosemond offers the best advice, still. And that is that obedient kids are the happiest. The problem that I have (and maybe some of you have) is that we have unknowingly created a world that revolves around our children. For instructions on how to change the bad behavior, read this: http://lacrossetribune.com/lifestyles/relationships-and-special-occasions/john-rosemond-obedient-kids-are-the-happiest-kids/article_43221b38-602b-11e2-97a2-001a4bcf887a.html

I don't think my kids are that bad, but I don't want them to be miserable adults. I will let you know if I make any huge parenting strides. If you are a coach/teacher/grandparent/adult around my kids, don't be afraid to make them obey you.

On a lighter note, here is a picture of my dog wearing socks.

Procrastination

So, I have started another semester of school and I am starting to think this was not a good idea. I have several things to do for the two classes I am taking, and they are hard. Too hard.  In the past, I could read with the radio on or write a paper in a day or two.  Right now I need complete silence just to understand what all of the words in each sentence mean, and then what all of that means put together. There's lots of googling going on.  

I don't like to complain as a habit (keep your comments to yourself Todd), but I need others to hear about how awful this is and then I will let it go.  So this week for class 1 (Health Care Delivery Systems), I have to participate in a discussion- with references in every post-lots of researching, take a "pretest", listen to a lecture and go to like 50 websites and read/watch things.  And find a health care related non-profit community agency that I can do some analysis on starting next week. Class 2 (Theories of Learning); write a "personal philosophy" of learning before having read any of my 150 pages of assigned reading which will end up being about a 3 page paper.  Questions are like this: "To what level, if any, do you believe explanation of learning is reducible?, What universal truths must the learner grasp?"  Participate in a discussion- same rules as class 1, lecture, websites,etc.  And next week I have to read an entire textbook.  It doesn't sound as bad as it feels. 

I have been distracting myself with cleaning today.  I even used a scrub brush in some places. 

Snowy Oliver

I think that's Alyssa in there.

Stuff we did on Christmas break

The blog of the boring is back!! No, this is not because of a New Year's resolution.  It is because of boredom and some well spent time on Pinterest, which has inspired all kinds of things for me to share with all of my (who am I kidding) loyal followers.

The children have been out of school for what seems like forever.  They have been staying up late as well, which is really cutting down on my "Emily time".  ("Emily time" is usually spent drinking tea and watching Bravo, but we aren't going to judge, right?)  But, we have gotten several things accomplished.  Obviously, there were Christmas celebrations on both sides of the family, Advent services at church, the Zion Christmas program, cookie baking, etc.  Then it was over. 

Thing #1: Box of kids stuff being held for ransom by mom.  I stole this idea from some genius mom on Pinterest.  Sick of picking up after your kids and getting nothing in return?  Hold their things for ransom and make them do chores to get them back.  My box includes an envelope filled with chores that are drawn if a girl wants an item back.  My favorite chores include: clean out a drawer in your bathroom, sweep the kitchen, clean all of the bathroom sinks, and fold the laundry that is in the dryer (because there is always a load in the dryer!).  The kids favorite chores include: do 20 jumping jacks while saying "I will never leave my stuff on the floor again", draw a picture of you cleaning your favorite room in the house, and you are free BUT THIS IS A WARNING! 

The BOX.

The best part of the BOX.

Thing #2: Fun new things in the girls' rooms.  This includes Todd-created chalk boards and wall stickers that were received as Christmas gifts. 

Sarah.  Just erased "I have the best mom in the whole world", or something like that.

Alyssa.  I don't wanna go to bed either!

Haley.  I am scared of the owl on the left.

Thing #3: Closet organization.  The least exciting of the things that were accomplished. Really not worth explanation.

So clean!

Thing #4: Homemade Science kit gift for nephew.  January is basically like second-Christmas around here.  There are LOTS of birthdays that we celebrate (including Alyssa's).  I have a truly great idea for my 12 year old homeschooled nephew Isaac this year (thanks again Pinterest!).  It's a science kit made from household items, with each experiment printed and put in a notebook and all of the supplies separated and labeled to correspond to the experiments!  It's so organized and cool!  And if his mom wants him to "learn" while he is experimenting, there is a website for each and plenty of space in his notebook to put pictures, notes, observations, etc.  I know- best aunt ever, right?

Cool notebook!

Stuff in the box- in separate baggies for each experiment. Big stuff is numbered.

Thing #5: Cooking stuff.  My 2 favorites were an emeals meal (discussed in an earlier post-see the link to the right) Garden Veggie Soup and a new taco filling (Pinterest) where you mix the meat with a can of tomato sauce, the seasoning, and a can of refried beans and bake the tacos.  Links: http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2012/11/how-to-make-hard-taco-shells-in-your-ovenplus-a-recipe-for-baked-tacos.html, www.emeals.com

School starts on Monday!! For all of us.  So this is probably the end of cool projects for awhile.  I'm out of ideas anyway.